Even If Saving You Sends Me To Heaven
by Little.Miss.Eric
Summary: Edward turned away as swiftly as possible so that he did not have to look at her anymore, trying as hard as he could to not grab her and kiss each and every inch of her soft, smooth, pale skin and apologized for everything he just told her.


**Disclaimer:**_The song I used was _"Your Guardian Angel" _written by _The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus_. The characters, Isabella(Bella) Swan, Edward Cullen, Alice Cullen, Jasper Cullen, Emmett Cullen, and Jacob Black, all belong to the writer of _Twilight_ and _New MoonStephanie Meyer_. The characters Romeo Montague, Juliet Capulet, Paris(They never gave you his last name in the book), and Rosaline(again... no name), all belong to that old, dead guy that wrote a bunch of plays and sonnets that no NORMAL high-school student likes learning about, William Shakespeare(I'm not normal, by the way…giggles)._  
**Author's Note: **_There are HUGE, MAJOR SPOILERS for the second book, _New Moon_. So if you have not read that book yet and wishing to read this fan-fiction you can do one of three things: read the book(I so recommend this, by the way! It was a very good book! I don't read all that fast for my age, but I finished the book in like a day.), read this fan-fiction and spoil just about the entire book, or you save this fan-fiction under "Favorites" some where on your internet browser and come back to it LATER after you_ _have read _New Moon

..Even If Saving You Sends Me To Heaven..

"Bella… No. End of discussion."

"P-please, Ed-Edward…" The girl on the ground struggled to say through the chokes and sobs. "Please, don't… don't leave me again… please."

Edward took one heart-shattering look at his only love's crying face and told himself that if he had tears like her, he would not be able to get up off of his knees for a thousand years because of the millions small, clear droplets that would fall from his liquid-topaz eyes. His crystal-clear tears would fall of nothing but all the pain and shame he had building up inside him that very moment.

Edward turned away as swiftly as possible so that he did not have to look at her anymore, trying as hard as he could to not grab her and kiss each and every inch of her soft, smooth, pale skin and apologized for everything he just told her.

"I… cannot… stay with you, Isabella… Not now… Not ever…" He lied as the girl looked up at the back of Edward's head, not believing anything she had just heard. She wrapped herself up into a tiny ball and covered her ears, telling herself this was just a bad nightmare she and the real Edward would never leave her.

The real Edward was lying with her in her bed, brushing her hair, taking in her warmth as she rested her head on his defined chest muscles, tracing his stone, cold fingers along her arms and giving her that crooked smile she loved so much when she stirred or awoke from her dreams to find his angelic face.

With each thought of the many memories they shared, her sobs cracked with anger, pain, and sorrow. She could not breathe because of the stinging feeling she had in her heart and she started coughing and gasping for air. It was the same horrible feeling she had when left the last time.

"I came back last time… and I was stupid… I shouldn't have…" The immortal vampire heard her heart break into smaller pieces with each gasp for air.

"Breathe, Bella, breathe!" He turned and rushed quickly to her side, but when Edward felt her arms against his firm skin, he quickly back off. She had reached for him.

_No touching. It will only make it worst to leave!_ Edward hissed in his head.

"You… pr-promised… y-you… wouldn't… l-leave… me again!" Bella said, hiccupping between each word and still reaching for him without any hope in the world.

"I know… but I can't stay with you." Edward straighten up a little more than he needed to, trying to act as proper as possible. "I apologize, Isabella." The vampire watched the human girl cry more and more from a safe distance. For a moment, as Edward watched Bella, she cried softer and softer for a few minutes, hatching a plan, and then looked up at the reddish-brown haired boy with her puffy red eyes.

"Will you stay… if I said that… I would do anything... _anything..._ for you because... I love you? I will marry you! I won't beg for you to turn me! I won't pressure you into anything you don't want to do anymore! I won't do anything you don't want me to anymore! I promise!" Her voice was quiet as a mouse, but urgent and she knew he could hear her loud and clear despite the whispers.

"Would you let me leave in peace?" It took everything Edward had to say those few lying words. He didn't want to leave her. He didn't even want her to be out of his sight let alone ear shot. He wanted to be with his one true love for the rest of his damned life, but she couldn't. He didn't want to change her because he didn't want her to live like him. He didn't want her to be put under... _damnation..._ It was for her, right?

Edward loved Bella too much to curse her with the life he lived. Therefore, the only way for her to happy was if he was gone. Gone for good this time. Never to come back. Never for anyone to find him. He was leaving and not even Alice knew it… not yet at least.

Edward took a deep breath, even though not needing it, but just to calm himself down and prepare him for his next false statement.

"Your father is right. I shouldn't have come back. I'm sorry, Isabella. I'm sorry for everything…" The boy started to slowly step toward her crouched up body.

"You know what you did… to me last time you… left…" Bella remembered the emptiness she felt for months and the pain she felt when his name was even mentioned in her conversations with Jacob Black. She remembered how she could barely breathe like right now, but worst... _much_ worst..

"I know… but I cannot stay… You don't belong with me and I do not belong with you…" He reached down and took her hands to gracefully pull her up to her feet with his stone, cold, strong arms.

Bella was too intractable to stand up, though. She wanted to stay in his arms, but was she left for the ground. When Edward pulled her arms up, she did not straighten out her legs to stand up properly; instead, she hung from his hands in a little ball.

"Bella, stop this now!" Edward growled at the sight of a grown woman acting like a child, but he knew why.

"Why?! You cannot tell me what is best for me! You cannot tell me what to do! YOU CANNOT TELL ME TO DO ANYTHING, EDWARD CULLEN!" The redhead screamed the loudest she could. Bella was glaring just as hard as Edward was at her, hanging from his hands because she refused to act her age.

"No. But I can tell that you are being thick and juvenile!" He said with her same loud, angry, hurt tone.

The girl dropped her feet to the ground and Edward let her arms fall to her sides. She glared at him once more and turned around to start walking the few feet home.

"Where do you think you are going?!" Edward called after her, not wanting her to leave his sight.

"Where do you think I'm going?!" Bella replied over her shoulder, just to run into a very hard, broad chest and a terrifying scowl, but she was not afraid of it. Bella knew he would not dare hurt her no matter what either of them said or did to each other because she knew he loved her.

"I'm leaving! If you think that I'm going to cry and get hurt again, Edward Cullen, you have another thing coming!" Her eyes flowing with fat, sparkling tears again. Edward reached up to brush them away, but she smacked his hand back. "No! I'm not going to be hurt again! I am not going to be left here to fall into an abyss of hurt and blankness wondering when you will come back to save me from it all! Now, if what you told me wasn't a big joke and you really are planning on leaving, Edward Cullen, then leave and _leave now!_"

It was Edward's turn to be hurt. The thought of being rejected by his only true love. Even if it was because she was angry with him for rejecting her, everything he told her was a lie, he did love her, he did want to stay with her, but he wanted her to be safe nonetheless. He could never truly leave her as she could never leave him, but it still hurt.

"Okay," was his only word. And he turned to walk around the furious girl and started to walk deeper into the trees of the forest.

Once he was out of her sight, Bella fell to the ground and sobbed quietly, knowing that she was still in earshot of the vampire and he could be here in moments if he wanted to, but she did not care. Bella just wanted to let out some of the mixed feelings that were inside her.

Through the sobs, Bella started humming to herself. She hummed the song she sung for Edward when he did not feel good or when he felt she needed to be sheltered and he felt the need to disappear again.

She sat there for hours and hours weeping and singing. When darkness finally started to come, she stared up at the stars and thought of his crooked smile she loved. She was hoping, as she laid on the forest ground, that he would return to her soon and not, what felt like, billions of days later.

_When I see your smile  
Tears run down my face that I cannot replace  
And now that I'm strong, I have figured out  
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul  
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one_

Edward knew that she was just angry with him, but what she said really hurt him. It hurt to know that she didn't want to get hurt herself by him in the first place.

The young vampire walked at a human speed over the hill and out of her sight, but when he could not see her anymore, he ran.

It was not moments later did he arrive at the small clearer Edward had taken Bella to when she first realized that he was a vampire. This is the place where he felt his best, except next to Bella, because no one was ever around, meaning that there were absolutely no 'voices' in his head and he ad a clear mind to actually think in.

He fell to the ground feeling the utmost pain he had ever felt and he had not even taken any kind of blow from Emmett or Jasper.

As reddish-brown haired boy watched the gray skies turn to sunny dusk and from sunny dusk to a clear, star-full night, he listened to the light breeze and something else. He could not figure out what the sound was, but it was soothing, even though, his heart-less chest was tearing itself apart from the inside. The sound was a song, he had determined that much, but it bothered him because he didn't know what it was.

The chorus was worst because he knew it. The song was repeated and Edward sang softly along with the light voice underneath the hum of the light wind.

_I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up for you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven_

Bella thanked who ever was up in the skies that Charlie had a meeting and had to leave town for just a few days that morning. She would not have anyone interrupting her half-sleep pain this time. Charlie was not going call everyone in town. Sam was going not going to find her. No one she had to worry about.

And even if they did come looking for her, they wouldn't look far because she could see the house this time. Just about thirty steps and she would be inside her tepid home instead of the ice-cold ground. However, she felt it comforting this time. She knew that he was running again meaning that he was gracing the earth with his prefect feet.

The brunette was still humming to herself, but as she replayed the song over and over into her head and sang it softly out loud, she felt as someone else very close to her was singing with her as if they were right next to her. At the thought of Edward singing with her, she sang louder each line until she was almost wailing instead of singing the words.

She stood up, looking up at the clear night sky and smiled. Spreading her arms apart, she twirled herself around and around until she fell to the ground dizzy after minutes had passes. She laid back down, still grinning, and laughed quietly to herself as she sang the song over again, but not as loud. In her head, she could hear the guitarist's finger pluck the string lightly and the violin's bow gracefully push and pull against the strings.

Bella looked up at the sky and saw a handful of stars shooting through the sky like petite fireworks. She closed her eyes to make a wish. _I wish… he would come back to me tonight…_

_It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.  
Seasons are changing  
And waves are crashing  
And stars are falling all for us  
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter  
I can show you I'll be the one_

Edward was sure what the song was now. The boy just needed to know who was singing it. He couldn't sense anyone around in ear shot.

He watched the balls of glittering gas fly across the sky, thinking of what Bella was doing right now. He wanted to hold her during the magnificent show of the flying stars. _She is probably watching it right now…_

The immortal teenager thought of her hanging from his hands, trying with all her might to stay with him no matter what. She did not want to leave him. He did not want to leave her. She had admitted to not the fact about not caring about her life… does that mean she would really die for him?

Edward laid there thinking of past memories with Bella. His thoughts moved to the last time he left. He remembered the day before they watched _Romeo and Juliet._ What would Romeo do? Would he die for Juliet? What would she do? What if Juliet found a new person to love after Romeo was gone? Could she find a new person to love? Would she go for Paris? She loved Romeo, did she not? But the thought of Romeo falling in 'love' with Rosaline then quickly 'falling out' of love just for Juliet… it degusted him.

_Bella and I never had that kind of relationship. I will never fall in love again… Bella would, though. She will find someone that made her happier and was… human, so she could live a regular life, right? She would never have any kind of regrets either. She will be safe from my world… She would be safe from me…_

Then Edward thought of Bella telling him many times she wanted to spend eternity with him. Would she really stand by him forever?

_I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven_

More and more tears ran down Bella's red cheeks, embarrassed of thinking that he would come back for her. This time was for real. _And even if he wanted to come back, I told him to go this time and there was no turning back because now he thought she didn't want him. He wanted that too. He told me that he wanted her to not want him. _

Bella choked on the words of the song, but nothing stopped her to sing the soothing words of the song. The albino girl wanted more than anything to be near the vampire, to be near her true love.

Bella tried to think how she lived life without Edward before. He made her feel like she had a whole heart and nothing was ever going to go wrong with him standing next to her.

She felt as though someone was watching her now, but she didn't care. She wanted someone to see her pain because she wanted one of two things at this very moment. She wanted to die or someone like Jacob Black to help her heal. Or there was another option… or the desire… to search for him…

_He is probably four states away by now… I would never find him… Not to mention... would he even want me back…? Not after what I said to him, no… _ She thought as more tears began once again to rolls down from the chocolate-brown eyes.

She stopped singing for just a moment. The silence over whelmed her. The weight of it was suffocating her and she could not breathe the air around her.

"Please… who ever you are… please just… just come out…" Bella requested softly as she pulled herself up against a tree, still watching the shooting stars.

Nothing moved. Everything was silent. Bella knew, though, that someone was there and who ever it was... was still were watching her.

"I know someone is there now... Please, come out!" She said louder, not wanting to scare the person, but she wanted to know who was watching so intensely. She could feel their eyes watching her as if she were a piece of meat in front of a hungry wolf. There was more silence, though, and Bella grew livid.

"Fine! Don't come out! Go away…" The brunette growled, looking around in the darkness like she could actually see anything for movement, but still nothing happened.

She tilted her head back again to watch the stars again. She went back to singing her soothing song and thinking of all the happy times she shared with her true love.

_Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart  
Please don't throw that away  
Cuz I'm here for you  
Please don't walk away and  
Please tell me you'll stay, stay_

Edward stood on the branch of a tree, watching Bella sing beautifully her heart-breaking song on the ground, just under him. He wanted to attack her with kisses all over. He never meant to hurt her. He wanted to love her forever and he never wanted to leave her side.

The vampire looked down at the girl more intensely and noticed that he was so caught up in her beauty and the tears that fell from her eyes and the thoughts of hat he should next that he never realized she had stopped singing.

Bella pulled herself up to rest her back up against the tree Edward was in and closed her dark-colored eyes thinking. She always got this look on her face that made Edward wonder when she was thinking.

"Please… who ever you are… please just… just come out…" the girl said, looking up at the stars. Edward leaned back into the leaves more so that she could him watching her. The vampire could sense that she knew someone was there, but her human senses told her not of _whom _or_ what_ was there and made her grow noticeably irritated.

Edward didn't move because he was afraid she would see or hear and start yelling or crying uncontrollably again.

"I know someone is there now please come out!" Bella half yelled this time and the young vampire could sense the angry that was in her voice because he didn't come out.

S_he probably thinks it's that damned dog coming to save her from the 'evil' bloodsucker…_ Edward thought in annoyance, rolling his bright topaz eyes and a small smirk to himself at the thought of the dog trying to kill him.

He turned his attention back to Bella and watched more closely as she frowned at the silence of the night.

"Fine! Don't come out! Go away…" Edward heard the albino growl from underneath the branches he was perched in. The voice, the tone… the words… it reminded him of our before when they fought and Bella had told Edward to leave. Edward closed his eyes and tried to clear his head of those kinds of thoughts.

"_Use me as you will_…" Edward unconsciously sang softly with the girl below.

Edward straightened up and snapped open his eyes when he grasped the honest statement of him just losing his hiding spot because of the old habit of singing along with Bella when they both knew the song.

The vampire looked down at Bella. She stopped singing. He blew it. The first time in eighty years, Edward Cullen blew his cover and a human found him.

"I said, to go away..." Bella stood up and lightly brushed the dirt and leaves from her jeans slowly in an empty way.

_Is it him…? Did he come back for me…? …So quickly…? _The girl thought to herself, not looking up from where the voice came from like she wanted to, afraid at who would be there… a monster or her love…

"_Pull my string just for a thrill.." _ Bella sang the next line because she knew if it was really Edward, he would sing the next line. It was _his_ line. It was _their_ song.

"_And I know I will be okay.."_ She heard a growl above in the leaves of the tree she sat under for hours on end.

The brunette twirled around with a big, excited smile, knowing that she would see him standing there, waiting for her, but she nothing. Her smiled turned to a sad frown and she turned back toward her home, looking at the ground, thinking that her hopeful mind had gotten the best of her.

She walked a few steps closer to the porch, but closed her chocolate-brown eyes, hoping no more tear would escape from them.

"Though… my sk-skies are turn--" She fell to the ground on her knees, covering her tearful eyes with her thin hands. Cool, salty tears ran through her fingers and shone in the moonlight, falling to the already wet ground.

"Finish the rest of the line, love."

Bella stopped breathing that moment and her heart stopped beating. She slowly took her face out of her hands and followed an invisible line on the ground with her eyes that lead straight towards the voice.

An angel stood there, she was so sure of it. Natural reddish-brown hair. A perfectly sculpted face. Smooth, stone, sheet-white skin. Bright, liquid topaz eyes. A crooked smile graced the flawlessly shaped lips.

The transfixed girl stood slowly and stepped closer toward her angel. Bella raised her hand hesitantly toward the stone face and lightly brushed the cool cheek with her soft fingertips.

Edward closed his deep liquid eyes and pressed his ice-cold face closer to the warm hand. Then he slowly reached down for Bella's other hand, brought it up to the other side of his face, and pushed both of his hands onto her's so that he could take in the warmth of her body. The warmth that was missed for just a few hours, but still missed like the star-crossed lovers missed each other, even though, they were only separated for just a few hours as well.

_I guess we're a pair of star-crossed lovers now…_ Edward thought to himself as he took in the warmth and nearly melted against Bella's skin.

"_Though my skies are turning gray.." _ Bella sang softly to the man who was in front of her… the man who she loved… the man that she will spend the rest of eternity with one way or another… the vampire who a simple human fell in a true love with…

The girl fell into the chest of the young vampire and he soon caught her before she fell to the ground once more. Edward lifted her up into his arms and smiled his crooked smile he knew Bella loved to look at.

"_I will never let you fall."_ Edward looked into Bella's deep, chocolate-brown eyes and started tracing her jaw line with tiny butterfly kisses up to her ear. "And I mean that… Never will I leave you… Never will you be in danger… Never will anything ever harm you without me knowing about it… I promise…"

"_I'll stand up with you forever..." _Bella sang quietly into Edward's ear as her arms slowly wrapped around his icy, stone neck. She was dawdling because she remembered earlier when she said that she would not pressure him into anything anymore and was waiting for him to push her away. She could take it, though, because she loved him always and forever.

Bella closer her eyes and rested her heart-shaped face into the crook of Edward's cold neck and silently cried because of the happiness and comfort she was feeling. The vampire smiled and slowly walked into house so that his love did not get sick with a cold.

"Please, Edward… never worry me like you tonight… you had me thinking you would never come back…" Bella whispered, feeling the graceful steps he took as he walked up the stairs towards her room.

"_I'll be there through it all…_ I promise…" As Edward sung the line of the song, the girl in his arms giggled.

Once the two were in Bella's room, Edward set the brunette down on the bed and shoved the covered over her so that she didn't get too cold through the night. Before she knew it, Edward was under the covers as well holder her closer and more fixed into his chest then he had before.

Bella looked up at the perfect stone face and saw that Edward had shut his eyes so tight, if he was human, Bella would have expected him to start crying.

"I'll make you a deal, love." He told her quietly when he felt Bella rested her head onto his chest.

"And what," Bella stopped in the middle of her sentence to let out a huge yawn.

"May I ask… would this 'deal' be?" She tangled one of her legs with his just to be sure that he wouldn't leave without her.

"I promise… to never… leave you if you… promise you never say…" Bella looked up at the vampire's face. She had never heard him hesitate before. "Never say what you… did earlier… and you will never get mad or leave me… if I accidentally… lose… myself…" Edward was still not looking down at Bella until he heard her giggle.

"And what, dare I ask, is so funny?!" He growled down at the brunette, when she didn't stop and answer him right away.

"You… won't 'accidentally' lose… yourself! You... won't lose yourself at all!" As the girl spoke she let out more giggles. "I have faith that you will never kill me! And even if you did…" Edward looked down curiously at Bella to put an end to their fight, but nothing happened for a while. She laid there, thinking of something to say, but kept losing her train of thought into his never-ending liquid topaz eyes.

"I would never leave you no matter what…" She whispered, resting her head on his chest again.

After Bella's last comment, nothing was said. There was just a long period of silence between the two of them.

"You are my savior, Bella… You could save me from anything…" Edward said aloud, thinking that the human girl was sleeping.

"Always and forever, my angel!" Bella smiled up at Edward as he held back a long yawn. _"Even if saving you sends me to heaven…"_

..Even If Saving You Sends Me To Heaven..

**Author's Note: **_I hope you all liked it! I had so much fun writing this too! I hope I can do another one soon! Please… no flames… Remember, this s fan-fiction! That means it was written by a 'FAN'! That is the key word there… If I wrote something that you think shouldn't happen then fine. That's your opinion, but please, I don't want to hear about it if it is not constructive criticism and will not help me in the future with my writing skills… Seriously, man…_


End file.
